Though I've been here for 1.5 year until now, I still feel that it's not the right place for me. I havent felt attached to this place. I dont belong here.
Eversince I landed on the 25th, I cried so many times already. When I got phone call from my family, I cried. When I saw my suitcase, I cried, I wanna go back home again. When I saw the pictures on my facebook, I cried. When I'm alone, I cry. Even when I wake up in the morning, I cry. Yeah I know I'm such a crybaby. I dont even have the will to take out all my luggage from Indo. I just dont want to feel that I'll be here for a long time eventhough that's the truth for sure.
My wish for now is just. I want to go back home like now. today. this minute. this second. Last time I said that I couldnt wait until 17 July when all my mid year exams will end but now I cant wait until 12 November. The first night to sleep in my room again and stay in where I belong to for 2.5 months. That months sound so long for others. They always say "wah so lucky. Study there and got holiday so long."
What so long? It's for you. For me, it's not. It's just another holiday with the 'pressure' of waiting for the departure date one more time.
Now I only have one loyal friend who always with me all the time. But I dont want this friend. I hate this friend. My only friend for now is just my loneliness. I feel lonely all the time eventhough there are so many people around me. I put a smile on my face but my heart is crying out loud. There are so many people out there but yet I still feel so lonely. It's getting more and more annoying and I hate the feeling of loneliness.
I think I cant wait until I'm in JC. By then, I wont waste all my holidays. I want to go back everytime I get at least 4/5 days of holidays. It's my wish. Though I dont know whether I can still have strength to finish this sec4 year which is only left with 4 more months. It seems like eternity.
Ma, Pa, Ko.... I miss them all seriously.
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