JC 1 has just ended

It has been awhile since I posted a positive post. Now I think is the time for me to think positively again haha

School this year has been very tiring. Time flies very fast. Without realising it, my JC1 year will end in like 2 days time. What a shocking fact. It feels like I just started my JC year yesterday and suddenly I will be a JC2 senior in awhile.

Reflecting on this year, I feel that I did not do too bad but I didnt give out my best as well. Something feels wrong and I feel like this year could have been better. Academic matters, to say it frankly, Im quite satisfied with it. My grades are not that fantastic but I feel quite satisfied with it. At least I could improve it from my secondary years. Although I still feel abit sad when comparing results with my classmates or my other batchmates as I just cant do as well as them. But I try not to feel depressed because of it. Just be happy and work harder. Hopefully next year I would be able to improve myself even more and surpass everyone's expectations on me :)

Family matters, still the same. Not that good but not bad either. Basically Im getting closer with my brother from time to time. With my parents, some arguments here and there. But I just realised that I have this tendency to argue, argue and argue everytime I talk through the phone as compared to when Im at home and I see them face to face. Everytime the phone call ends with an argument, I wish I could be at home when everything could be discussed easily and where less misunderstanding will happen.

And now, Im here in my new room, counting the days to my departure day to Indonesia. 4 more days and I'll be in my own room. How awesome is that. And anyway, my new room is super awesome and cozy. New roommates, new settings, new aircon, etc.

with new roommates :D

my new bed and desk :D

JC Life. It Is Not That Bad But A Bit Worse Sometimes

okay so

long time never update this blog and my life from bad has gotten worse.

jc life is actually not that bad on the surface and it would be a lie if i say im not enjoying it.

okay so basically i've got to enjoy my life now compared to a few months ago. and im happy. teehee. :D

but i start to feel distant from my family. even worse, i feel distant to my mom the most. She used to be my closest family member second to my brother.

Okay basically i've been arguing with her since a few weeks ago and it is not very good considering that she wont trust me anymore. okay heck the whole story is super long and due to my POOOOR ENGLISH LANGUAGE yes, i remember it clearly as everyday it is what i need to hear. I cannot write it properly. just leave it alone.

Now back to school. PIDABELYU is getting annoying. I suck at my work. let alone doing project work. my individual components are screwed. The only time I got quite good comments from the teacher was when we are submitting our written report draft. It is because the whole thing that I've submitted to my friend has been edited by my group mates.

Yeah I suck at my work. Haha as expected from me.

And freak. I cannot even control my temper this days. i keep being short tempered. I almost shouted at someone who didnt even do anything wrong at all.

why is me so sucky? cannot do work properly, keep arguing with people and now become short tempered.

hopefully as time flies, i'll be a better person

on a side note : i really do miss my brother. i want to talk to him just about everything. i really miss him.

why so tiring

tiring days..

i'm tired..

not enough time ..

Actually no.. There is enough time to do everything as long as I keep sitting down and do everything the whole day..

Why dont I have the ability to do everything in one time, with a great quality, in a high speed? it will make my life much much much MUCH easier.

schedule :

1. Monday - 9.30 - 4.10 school, 7.45-9.45 prep

2. Tuesday - 7.30-4.10 school, 4.40-6.00 photog, 7.45-9.45 prep

3. wednesday - 7.30-2.30 school + CCA, 7.45-9.45 prep

4. Thursday - 7.30-3.20 school, 4.00-6.00 tuition, 7.45-9.45 prep

5. Friday - 7.30-12.30 school, 1.00-2.30 tuition

6. Saturday - 9-11 GP remed

the rest of the weekend : mugging time

It is not as tight as my friends' schedule. That's why it is super annoying. It feels like as if I got a lot of free time but I dont and worse, I struggle to manage my time well. Maybe I slack too much but heck, prep time 2 hours not efficient for me. Most of the time I dont talk a lot during prep but for that 2 hours, max I can do only 2 things.

Today, I only did 11 math questions with math being my strongest subject. What the heck. Horrible speed I might say.

Weekends : Heck no more life for me during weekends anymore and yet I still screwed my subjects. I spend most of the time studying Bio and yet my lecture test still failed. Mostly I did econs and bio but econs quite okay for now. Bio heck what the hell my grade and my understanding on bio suck now. Chem as well. Even math. Math I got 80-75-65. Great. It keeps falling and falling. Chem I dont even understand a thing. Fuck it. I even dreamt and thought on doing Chemical engineering or Biochem but yet my Chem and Bio like that. Screwed.

My brain sucks. I'm jealous with some people who are just academically talented. They can just do whatever they want and yet their grades still fly high.

why some people are so talented in many ways whereas some are just not talented in many ways?

1 is talented in academic so much. With talent in art and music as well as language. Go improve her talent in music till late still can have super high grade. when can she study? hey someone, can you share your brain and talents with me? I desperately need it.

whereas 1 just not academically talented (just forget about music and art, language, etc) and need to spend so much time on it and yet the results are not good. And in the end learn nothing.

What the shit with this life?

Screw my academic results. Screw My body. Screw my health. Sleep late without learning anything efficiently. Eat uncontrollably. At this rate, seeing the rate of damage done to my body, my body is going to break soon. Die faster. maybe it may become more peaceful. Not tiring anymore.