i'm tired..
not enough time ..
Actually no.. There is enough time to do everything as long as I keep sitting down and do everything the whole day..
Why dont I have the ability to do everything in one time, with a great quality, in a high speed? it will make my life much much much MUCH easier.
schedule :
1. Monday - 9.30 - 4.10 school, 7.45-9.45 prep
2. Tuesday - 7.30-4.10 school, 4.40-6.00 photog, 7.45-9.45 prep
3. wednesday - 7.30-2.30 school + CCA, 7.45-9.45 prep
4. Thursday - 7.30-3.20 school, 4.00-6.00 tuition, 7.45-9.45 prep
5. Friday - 7.30-12.30 school, 1.00-2.30 tuition
6. Saturday - 9-11 GP remed
the rest of the weekend : mugging time
It is not as tight as my friends' schedule. That's why it is super annoying. It feels like as if I got a lot of free time but I dont and worse, I struggle to manage my time well. Maybe I slack too much but heck, prep time 2 hours not efficient for me. Most of the time I dont talk a lot during prep but for that 2 hours, max I can do only 2 things.
Today, I only did 11 math questions with math being my strongest subject. What the heck. Horrible speed I might say.
Weekends : Heck no more life for me during weekends anymore and yet I still screwed my subjects. I spend most of the time studying Bio and yet my lecture test still failed. Mostly I did econs and bio but econs quite okay for now. Bio heck what the hell my grade and my understanding on bio suck now. Chem as well. Even math. Math I got 80-75-65. Great. It keeps falling and falling. Chem I dont even understand a thing. Fuck it. I even dreamt and thought on doing Chemical engineering or Biochem but yet my Chem and Bio like that. Screwed.
My brain sucks. I'm jealous with some people who are just academically talented. They can just do whatever they want and yet their grades still fly high.
why some people are so talented in many ways whereas some are just not talented in many ways?
1 is talented in academic so much. With talent in art and music as well as language. Go improve her talent in music till late still can have super high grade. when can she study?
hey someone, can you share your brain and talents with me? I desperately need it.
whereas 1 just not academically talented (just forget about music and art, language, etc) and need to spend so much time on it and yet the results are not good. And in the end learn nothing.
What the shit with this life?
Screw my academic results. Screw My body. Screw my health. Sleep late without learning anything efficiently. Eat uncontrollably. At this rate, seeing the rate of damage done to my body, my body is going to break soon. Die faster. maybe it may become more peaceful. Not tiring anymore.
:( I may not be there yet, but from this entry, I presume you are having a really hard time there. Know what? Don't stress yourself too much. Once in a while, go out and enjoy life. There's nothing wrong with that, for you might be able to lose yourself a bit before studying again :)
ReplyDeleteDon't envy other people because you are "amazing just the way you are". You may not be academically (that) talented, so what? There are a lot of students who struggle as well, if you permit yourself to look down instead of looking up all the time. You will never be satisfied if you keep looking up because there will definitely people who are better than you.
By saying this, I might contradict myself for I also often envy those who are naturally smart without even putting so much effort. But I try not to compare. Life will be much easier and you will realize your own potential.
Sorry if I sound really preachy this time, but I sincerely hope you are coping better. I wish you the best of luck :)
-Z