Dang. It's 2 more weeks before my end of year assessments start. Some of my teachers always say to my class, "girls, you are really behind time you know." It just makes me more nervous instead of building up my fighting spirit. It makes me cannot concentrate. I always feel like I need t o finish study fast but in the end nothing comes into my mind when I keep thinking that I havent learnt enough. It really annoys me a lot. Will the word "failure" follow me along during my eyas as well. Please say no. I need someone to reassure me. I need someone to comfort me when I'm nervous and stressing out. I know that's childish but I dont know what else I can do other than hoping for comfort but then again, a lot of people dont give that. They all just the same. Giving the same pressure that they think it may comfort me and hel to support me. "Come on you need to work harder." I know. That's a freakin' fact that I dont need to be told anymore. I work damn harder than last year but why is my result still worse than last year? can you please give a freakin answer instead of those 'supportive' words. From code blue : in the end it's the results that count. For a doctor, if the patient is safe, they will say, "you are a good doctor, you are courageous. Great job." but when the patient dies, they will take you as a 'murderer' who cannot safe the patient's life. same here, when you get good grade everyone will act different to you. "Wah you are so smart. Your parent is so lucky." When you get not so good grade, they will say "Why cant you do that? It's so simple. I pity your parents." No matter how hard you work, but the result is the only thing that counts not how much effort you put in. It is a sad fact but it's real. And now those people who never see my work here and only see the result always blame me. "I know why you cant get good grades." you dont know. dont pretend that you guys know. "Coz you always watch vids." "Coz, you zre not as smart as me." Yeah right, whatever. I watch vids. Yeah that's true when I'm depressed. And I'm only depressed because of certain things. Do you know what it is? Yeah I know you are smarter than me. Thanks for your support Everything in the world is only about the result and not about the effort. Is that right? Anw, at the end still here I am. Stuck here at least until 30 more days. Worrying about my eyas, about what people will think about me later after I get back my results, about what future is, about the sadistic word 'scholarship' *sadistic for me --> it really kills my mind and my feeling* I dont know anymore. I want to not care but I cant. Aaaarrgghh.. I dont care anymore

though in the end i still need to care about all those